Death on the Nile (2022)

The IMDB rating of the 1978 adaptation starring Peter Ustinov carries a 4 star rating (80%). Branagh’s 2022 update scores a 66%.

What this tells me is A: I am, as a maths teacher, far too obsessed with stats and B: The people of 2022 have no taste in films. Fact is, this is just the kind of film we need in these dark times.

I for one have had enough of films littered with profanity after profanity. I’m not offended by it per se, I’m just bored of that being the extent of the libretto of the tune of movie scripting. I want to indulge myself in dialogue that has been pondered and nurtured by quality actors. I want cinematography, suspense, mystery and a bit of sass. This film has it in spades.

Let’s give a big thanks to our number one film ‘geyser’ Ken Branagh. He owns Shakespeare as far as movie making is concerned, and he isn’t too bad at taking some classic Christie and owning that too. My sister can only see Suchet as Poirot - I beg to differ. Our Ken is a great Hercule, as he is with every role he takes.

The beauty of coming back to a story such as this is that it is likely that, like me, you already forgot whodunnit!

I went with my twelve year old, and though we get a very sexy version of this classic story, for a film where people get murdered, and there is quite a lot of suggestive liaisons, it was bizarrely appropriate. The scoring of some very intense Blues music from Sophie Okonedo (not sure if she actually sang it- if not, great miming!) really ratcheted up the mood and provided a great aural miss en scene. A great turn from French and Saunders who play it straight, along with Russell Brand who was barely recognisable in costume.

However, aside from Branagh as Poirot, the star of this flick was Gal Gadot. If you are going to make a movie that oozes lust and sex appeal you simply have to cast Gadot - the new go-to sultry Hollywood star!

If I am being totally honest I did work the ending out quite early on into the running time, but that made no difference to the enjoyment of getting there. A stellar movie, that whilst doesn’t leave a lasting memory in terms of narrative and critical thinking, was an absolute joy as a cinematic experience. Make sure you see this at sometime with the appropriate amount of popcorn.